A Vacation In A Moment
Carol Rogers-Shaw • January 24, 2020
Stress is insidious. It lurks in the dark corners of our mind, waiting to spring to the forefront of our days. It lies just under the surface of our nighttime slumber, waiting to spark a nightmare that drives us awake with a startling, fearful jolt. It is the hidden corrosion that slowly, stealthily, eats away at good health and happiness.
Stress is insidious. It lurks in the dark corners of our mind, waiting to spring to the forefront of our days. It lies just under the surface of our nighttime slumber, waiting to spark a nightmare that drives us awake with a startling, fearful jolt. It is the hidden corrosion that slowly, stealthily, eats away at good health and happiness. It’s a powerful force that takes every ounce of energy to combat, and it’s hard to tell how much of the exhaustion that eventually sets in is due to the stress and how much is due to the battle to overcome the stress. I wonder, has Edvard Munch’s work, The Scream of Nature, become so iconic because we can all recognize the haunted eyes, the gaping mouth, the disturbing landscape, the agony of anxiety?
Sure, there are ways to leave stress behind, but let’s be honest, it’s not so easy to successfully employ those stress-relieving techniques. When I feel my level of stress mounting, I can read a highly entertaining book, often one with no great literary merit, but merely an engaging story I can get lost in for a while. Or I can take the dog for a long walk, pulling her along as she sniffs the edges of the walkway. I can sit by the fire in the winter or out on the back deck in the summer and sip a cup of freshly brewed tea – the steeping tea bags in the ceramic pot, the tea cozy keeping it warm, the right mug settling the nerves with the comfort of familiarity. I can watch some mindless television – the before and after images of HGTV can be sustaining as even the most hideous and dilapidated old structure can turn miraculously into a sleek, refreshed modern home. And I think maybe the dark circles under my eyes, the drawn and haggard look, really will fade and I can leave behind the ravages of stress. Or I can just cry in the shower, hoping the tears that roll down my face and mingle with the hot water from the faucet cleanse me from the worry building inside my tense body.
We all need to get away sometimes and leave the stress behind, to move past those times of high anxiety and escape the heart palpitations, the headache, the nausea. We need to feel more relaxed, to forget the worries for a time, to discover a clearer path through the troubles. If you search “vacation” on Google images, there are a multitude of sandy beaches, swaying palm trees, soothing aqua water. Or you might find mountain vistas, tranquil lakes, sunsets that paint the skies with oranges and pinks and purples. But it’s not so easy to stop everyday life and hop that plane to exotic locales to ease the stress. Sometimes we have to find a vacation in a moment.
I remember as a child walking home from the school bus stop in the afternoon. The street curved down a long slow slope past suburban split levels and raised ranches. My home was at the end, on the right side of the cul-de-sac. It wasn’t a particularly pretty street. There were forest trees behind the houses, flowers in front gardens, but no vast expanses of natural beauty. Yet, I still remember some days where I would feel the sun shining in a clear blue sky and know the safety of home, no matter what had happened that day at school. It was a vacation in a moment.
I remember as I grew older, driving down a main road through town, heading to visit friends. As I neared the end, before I had to turn to the left and wind along a stretch with trees bordering both sides, the reservoir peaked through, stretching out in the distance. There was something uplifting about that glimmer of water reflecting the sun in its ripples. It was a vacation in a moment.
I remember another time as an adult living on a different street, in a different suburban community, although here the houses were old and close together. The short front yards ended in concrete sidewalks, but there were also huge old trees that lined the road. On one winter night, I walked down the street in serene silence as the snow fell, no other soul in sight, no cars skidding through slush, just peace cocooned in soft white flakes. It was another vacation in a moment.
I think we have to make an effort to take a vacation in a moment, to recognize the loveliness of a single flower when there’s no expansive distant view of paradise, to appreciate the placidness of a single duck swimming in clear water when there’s no winding shoreline stretching to the horizon. These moments are what can get us through the stress; they can be our armor in the battle, a winning moment to cherish, a vacation to revive us.
On one winter night, I walked down the street in serene silence as the snow fell, no other soul in sight, no cars skidding through slush, just peace cocooned in soft white flakes.
It was another vacation in a moment.
“In Celtic wisdom we remember that our soul, the very heart of our being, is sacred. What is deepest in us is of God. ” ~John Philip Newell 1
We may be lights under bushels, but we can shine brightly against the dark even if we are mere candles. Together, the light may shine bright.
Silence speaks to us Listening in deep quiet… Hear what you long for! ~Patricia Leyko Connelly 1
"Elegance is the harmonious integration of simplicity, refinement, and intentionality across diverse contexts, combining timeless beauty with functional sophistication." ~ChatGPT Synthesized Definition
Unmade bed, and mind Unmade mind, unready day Night turns into dawn ~Michael Kroth
When I first discovered Stephen Covey’s book, The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People 1 , I thought the habits he proposed were so simple. They were so self-evident. When I read them, they were so life changing. I remember reading the book and it was one of the biggest “aha” experiences of my life. As I’ve discovered, they are also so, so hard. I became a facilitator for several of Covey’s courses, and I remember him saying that what he was proposing was both simple and hard. What he meant by that was that the concept of the habit (putting First Things First, for example) was simple, and he offered uncomplicated but effective ways to work on them, but integrating that habit into one’s life, into one’s being, was hard. It would take time and perseverance. And, of course, that’s true. I know it’s true because I still have a long way to go on just these seven habits and that’s decades from when I started, and that’s only seven out of abuncha other practices I’d like to adopt, maintain, or improve on. Changing habits or routines is not impossible by any means, but that doesn’t make it easy no matter how much of an expert one might be. We know that smoking is bad for us, and yet quitting smoking can seem impossibly hard. I used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day and tried every which way in the world I could to quit, including self-hypnosis, but it took my wife to buy me a smoking cessation program based on aversion therapy (I got a little shock every time I took a puff of smoke) to actually quit. It’s been 45 years since I stopped smoking. But I've known for a long time that eating too much sugar is bad for me, and still I do it. And the scale reminds me of that every day. And still I do it. But I'm working on it. We know that exercise and good nutrition and developing relationships is good for our health over the lifespan, but it takes time and effort to develop them. (For some other thoughts about this, see Whack-A-Mole , Sloughing , The Practice of Practices: The Meta-Practice of Practices ). The good news is that the benefits of working on these practices start accruing from day one, even though getting better at it is a lifetime process. Just because a person knows a good deal about something doesn’t mean that they are skillful at it. Someone who studies generosity isn’t necessarily generous. The worldwide expert in humility isn’t necessarily humble. The medical doctor who rhapsodizes the virtues of exercise isn’t always in the best shape. The theologian who knows more than anyone about some aspect of Christianity or Hinduism or Islam or any religion doesn’t necessarily practice the religious virtues she or he has written about in papers and books. A generous person may know nothing – in fact, probably doesn’t know much – about the latest generosity studies. And the person conducting those studies may be a descendant of Scrooge. Which brings me to the word I came up with for 2024 - elegancing. It’s only fair to ask myself, almost-post-2024, if elegancing has become more of who I am and how I operate in the world. How well, self-reflection should reveal, have I actually practiced it? How deeply have I become an elegant person? Writing a “Prologue” to 2024 Judith Valente asked those of us who took part in her workshop last January, “Prologue to 2024” (see My Word for 2024 – Elegancing ) to write a letter to ourselves about the coming year. I opened that letter on December 21st, and I don’t mind sharing excerpts of what I wrote. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1-15-2024 Prologue to 2024 Michael Kroth To the Divine Ground, to the Great Vastness, and to the Inner LastingNess, May this be a year of Elegancing, of winnowing out the chaff, and keeping – reverencing – the grain. The elegant solution is the simplest, nothing extra, nothing missing. “Take More Time, Cover Less Ground,” a song by Carrie Newcomer, is my theme song. It reminds me of Evelyn Underhill. She would pick one retreat for a year, and give that retreat several times. Rather than giving many retreats. Cultivating Spirituality in Later Life is my topic. This means knowing about gerontology, spirituality, and lifelong learning Healthwise is my approach – not worrying about length of life as much as quality of life for as long as I live. To that end, five areas of continual improvement: exercise, nutrition, sleep, emotional/social health, spiritual growth, financial/material health. To consider myself a learner/practitioner in each of these areas. Designing my environment to move toward elegance with a twist (a bit of irreverence tossed in…). Exercising daily, eat healthily, sleep well, become a better (husband, father, friend, and neighbor) person, deepen my spiritual growth, and healthy personal financial management. All these by exercising and strengthening values and virtues and behavior that carry out the Great Commandments (love God and Neighbor). To find and practice the unifying themes between all of these areas of life, (Occam’s Razor, the elegant solutions) such that life becomes increasing and simultaneously simpler and more profound. All this to continually immerse myself in an environment and life of flourishing. Michael Kroth, Student of Life ------------------------------------------------------------------------- That’s what I wrote, and as I sit here on December 30 th 2024 these still are values and approaches that I want to continue to build into myself and my life through 2025 and beyond. I like what I wrote then – it fits where I am and where I want to go. But, have I made much progress? But, have I made much progress? What have I learned about elegancing and myself this past year? Looking back over the year I’ve done pretty well on some of these and on some have I have not. One area in which I have not made much progress is in personal financial management. I've made little steps, but it does not come naturally for me. I just don't think about money much, and not nearly so much as I ought to. I'll have to do better in 2025 as retirement hurdles forward me. Regarding the big four metapractices 2 – spiritual learning, embodied learning, cognitive learning, and socio-emotional learning – elegancing underlies them all. That is, I’m working to go more deeply, more synergistically, and in a less scattered way with each of them, and all of them interacting with each other. Carrie Newcomer’s words, Take More Time, Cover Less Ground 3 , is what Duhigg calls a “keystone habit,” and applies to all of these. “Some habits,” Duhigg says, “matter more than others in remaking businesses and lives.” 4 Focusing more, and what is likely to make the most difference, seems like a good strategy. It is probably self-evident, but my curiosity is a strength and a vulnerability. As one who is interested in learning about many things, it is easy to jump from one fascinating topic to another. To wit, over the last few weeks, I’ve started to learn how to use AI. And it is helping me to learn conversational Spanish. Those are two big topics themselves. Oh, and I’ve backslud a bit on practicing Tai Chi, but it remains on the top of my list. And I want to know more about Spain. Oh, and I’m going to sign up for the Osher Institute this next month. Oh, and I can’t forget…. And yeah, I’m going to Judith’s 2025 retreat on January 11 th , Writing the Prologue to Your New Year . I haven’t come a long way, baby, but I’ve come a ways. And I’m thinking 2025 might be pretty wonderful, even with all its inevitable ups and downs. Focus on the present moment, MK, focus not just on be-coming, but at the same time be-ing. (And let's not forget do-ing...) So, to answer my own question, I've made a little progress, enough to make me feel excited about continuing. Even if my practice of elegance has a long way to go, I know a lot more about elegancing than I did a year ago. I’ve been keeping track of articles about elegance over the last year (I used a Google alert, and am beginning to go deeper with Google Scholar) to learn more about it. More than a fashion choice, elegance applies to advanced technology, design (of all sorts), sports, science, software, and beyond. That’s knowledge, which is good. Practicing until one becomes, until one is be-ing elegant, that’s better. These practices start with the smallest, often the most tenuous, of steps. I feel like 2024 has been a time of taking my first steps toward elegancifying the way I approach the world. Elegancifying . I like it. Maybe that will be my word for 2025. How about you? What will your word be for 2025? Your song? Your desired experience? This elegancing thing might take me a while. Like maybe the rest of my life. Sources and Resources 1 Covey, S. R. (1989). The seven habits of highly effective people: restoring the character ethic. Simon and Schuster. 2 For a more in-depth look at the processes of lifelong formation, see Kroth, M., Carr‐Chellman, D. J., & Rogers‐Shaw, C. (2022). Formation as an organizing framework for the processes of lifelong learning. New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development , 34(1), 26-36. 3 Carrie Newcomer, Take More Time, Cover Less Ground. https://carrienewcomer.substack.com/p/take-more-time-cover-less-ground-10e 4 Duhigg, C. (2014). Power of habit: why we do what we do in life and business (Random House Trade Paperback Edition ed.), p. 100. 5 Carrie Newcomer, You Can Do this Hard Thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRGnftH_g4I Retreat Information To sign up for Judith’s January 11 th retreat, check it out here: Writing the Prologue to Your New Year
Illustration created by Michael Kroth, with the assistance of OpenAI's DALL-E Tool (my FIRST SECOND using AI!)
