Equanimity

I used to yell (scream, now and again?) when I made a mistake, especially when I missed an easy volley or dinked a simple forehand into the net. Occasionally, I would throw my racket and make a fuss. Once in a while I would slam my racket to the ground and, although I don’t remember breaking any rackets – we, after all, were the folks playing on the municipal courts, not at the country club and and rackets were wooden in those days – I very well may have. 

With maturity, and with less pressure to win I guess, I came to just enjoy playing the game. Oh, I still like to win when I play just about anything, but these days I’m much more likely to enjoy whatever I’m doing, and am less worried about winning. It turns out I’m considerably happier and enjoy myself regardless of the score.

But the reason I’m going to be exploring the idea of equanimity is that I still have a long way to go. I write to learn as much as I write to share, so my hope here is to learn about and to develop a better understanding of equanimity and what I can do regularly to develop a deeper sense of peace, contentment, and serenity in my day-to-day life.

How about you? Do you get upset, curse under your breath in traffic or when in line a stores, come to quick, emotional judgments you regret later? I do, far too often, and I imagine others of you do as well.

This is an important topic and I'll be taking this up now and again through the year. To kick this off, let’s take a brief look at equanimity.

Equanimity is peace of mind. It is calm in the storm of life. Equanimity in meditation, as Sharon Salzberg relates, is to be like a mountain - with winds and clouds and rain and animals on the move - which rest there with dignity, strength, and ease. “Sit like a mountain” she says when teaching meditation. 

Another way of sitting like a mountain is to accept what is with peace. What is this attitude of acceptance? What does it look like? What is the experience? This, from Desert Wisdom: Sayings From The Desert Fathers, gives us a clue.

Regardless of situation, this says, take it all in with peace and gratitude. Regardless of gain or loss or success or failure, life or the prospect of death, rejoice, pray, and give thanks. 

Guardino (1998) goes so far as to say that “disinterestedness” is a virtue. But how can that be? I love chocolate and hate broccoli. I want that promotion, I’m upset when a less qualified person gets the job instead. I am crazy about those Patriots when they win and disconsolate when they lose. My interests motivate me, push me to be the best I can be, and they are aspirational and inspirational. How can I not have an interest when one of my children is hurting or have pride in a grandchild?

How can disinterestedness be a virtue? Guardino tells of a Chinese proverb with says that “the fewer interests a man has, the more powerful he is; that the greatest power is complete disinterestedness” (p. 77). Here he is speaking of interestedness in a specific way – that of self-interest. In this sense, disinterestedness is part and parcel of humility and of being of service to others rather than to oneself. An attitude of doing “work that is important and timely; [that a person] is devoted to it and does it as it should be done…seems to be disappearing” (p. 80), Guardini says. “Persons who do their duty in sincere devotion, because the work is valuable and fine, seems to becoming rare," he continues. "Actions are increasingly based upon utilitarian motives and consideration of success apart from the real matter at hand”, he goes on. Disinterestedness is what “produces the genuine work, the pure act, because it frees man for creativity. It alone gives rise to what is great and liberating, and only the man who works in this way gains interior riches” (p. 80). 

Looking at this still another way, de Chardin (2001) uses the term “passionate indifference” (p. 92), which encompasses “an equal truth, that one has need of everything, and that one has need of nothing”.  We will talk more about de Chardin in another essay.

All of this seems paradoxical to me and perhaps you and, I sometimes think anyway, too abstract and too esoteric. So I have to put all these interests and disinterests and indifferences and differences into simple, day-to-day reality. For me, equanimity is all about putting anxiety about the future and regrets about the past in their place – they aren’t happening right now – and instead relaxing into making the absolute best of the present moment. What is happening right now is what is important, and whether it’s getting a tooth drilled on or eating the ice cream that will cause that tooth to decay, I’m here. I’m eager. I’m paying attention. I’m as relaxed and attentive as I can manage. I’m receptive to everything around me and within me.

That’s equanimity to me. Being at peace with right now and doing my best not to waste it.

Now….I still have a lot of work to do in order to be more often like the mountain, and less like the wind.  More peace that passeth understanding, less circular thinking.  A lot of work to do.

A lot.  

You'll be hearing more from me about it.

Philippians 4:7 King James Version (KJV)

shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are, p. 4

Chödrön, P. (1994). Start where you are: a guide to compassionate living (1st ed.). Boston: Shambhala.

Teilhard de Chardin, P. (2001). The divine Milieu (1st Perennial classics ed.). New York: Perennial.

Guardini, R. (1998). Learning the virtues that lead you to God. New Hampshire: Manchester: Sophia Institute Press.

Hammarskjöld, D. (2006). Markings (1st Vintage spiritual classics ed.). New York: Vintage Books.

Salzberg, S. (1995). Lovingkindness: the revolutionary art of happiness (1st ed.). Boston: Shambhala.

Salzberg, S. (2008). The kindness handbook: a practical companion. Boulder, CO: Sounds True.

Nomura, Y. (2001). Desert wisdom: sayings from the Desert Fathers (Rev. ed.). Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis Books.