What If We All Took Bows?
'Tis The Season...Every Season
A couple of weeks ago our neighbor Rob and his son Randy helped us to move some things to a storage unit. Turned out it was Rob's birthday and he and his college-aged son spent a beautiful day, when he could have been out on his mountain bike or doing anything fun, moving stuff with us.
We have always been blessed - yes, I will use that word because we have been - to have had wonderful neighbors. We try to be good neighbors too, but my goodness, there are people all around us who make our lives so much richer. Their political views, religion, age, and any other way you want to slice and dice identity, don't matter to me. They are what my grandparents would call "The salt of the earth".
We - you, I, society - get in a frenzy about giving and thanking come the late fall, but it's always the season to be grateful and it's always the season to be generous. Christian Smith and Hilary Davidson, in a very informative, insightful, and research-based book called The Paradox of Generosity: Giving We Receive, Grasping We Lose demonstrate that generous "practices" (not just one-off gifts of time, money, and so on) have a multitude of benefits for the giver .
"The more generous Americans are, the more happiness, health, and purpose in life they enjoy. This association between generous practices and personal well-being is strong and highly consistent across a variety of types of generous practices and measure of well-being" (p. 2).
Many, many benefits. Think of better health, more happiness, more meaningful purpose. Generosity is worth a look-see I'd say.
I will come back to this theme of generosity again, probably several times, because it is something I need to work on myself (that's often how I choose workshops and such, under the assumption that the teacher learns more than the students). I know how self-centered I have been over a lifetime. The more I learn these lessons about practicing generosity and gratitude, the richer my life becomes.
Maybe that could be true for you as well.
As I thought about Rob and Randy, I remembered this essay I wrote a few years ago. I don't live by Mike or Brent anymore, but they too are the "salt of the earth". They are my neighbors-in-spirit. Do you know some folks like that? You never forget them, do you.
Kindness is a gift we all can give.
(This is lightly revised from an article I wrote for my
December, 2008 E-newsletter.)
What if we all took bows? The notion came to me while watching the Nutcracker . After each piece – Chinese, Sugar Plum Fairy and Cavalier, Arabs, snowflakes, Spanish, Merlitons, Russians – the dancers swept back on stage, acknowledged each other and, to applause, graciously and ceremoniously bowed. And sometimes bowed again. And sometimes repeated the entire sequence. All to a warm, enthusiastic, and sometimes vocal (bravo!) shower of approbation.
The little boy sitting next to me might one day be an accountant, first-line supervisor, or store clerk but tonight – at least for the first act – he was on the edge of his seat. During the second act he slept curled up with his father’s arm securely around him
The darling little girl in front of me, all dressed up in ribbons and curls, couldn’t even stay on her seat she was so excited. She hopped up and down until her mom shooshed her just a bit but even then she couldn’t stop moving.
The boy might hunt Idaho elk for entertainment when he grows older and the girl might spend her free time on skis, but tonight they were part of the magic that is theater.
What if we all took bows? What if the teacher after each class strode around the room, lifted both hands to his applauding students, and then with a humble nod to the audience acknowledged their praise? What if the mechanic, upon completing a difficult repair, slowly and ceremoniously presented the finished product to a standing ovation from customers and co-workers? What if the manager, after successfully leading a difficult meeting left the room…and then swept back in to huzzahs from one and all?
Imagining various workers taking their bows made me laugh out loud. After all, when was the last time an employee said thanks to the manager for the thought she put in to making the meeting productive? Usually we just complain about the meetings we must attend. When was the last time we wrote a note of thanks to the mechanic for the professional work which has been completed every single time we go to the shop?
Too many times parents complain to the teacher instead of feeling wonderment that someone would take so little pay in return for so much care. You can’t buy care – teachers just give it because they do – and so many parents and critics take it for granted.
The notion of a mechanic in a tutu, a manager in toe shoes, and a teacher skirmishing with a bunch of mice (well, that one might fit…..) tickled my sense of humor. How preposterous to imagine them taking a bow. And yet….
…don’t we all yearn for applause, seldom get it, and – even worse – seldom give it? We may not need the stylized ritual of bowing in front of an applauding audience but we do need to feel valued. Artists – actors, dancers, singers – perform for pennies per hour or for nothing – in return for the love of doing what they do and the morsel of applause they receive. In our workplaces we are often chary of sharing recognition and miserly in giving it.
What would the workplace be like if everyone took a bow before cheering fans after a job well done?
This is the season to give thanks. We do that at church and at home. Let’s not forget our ovation for the busy salesperson with too many people in line and no help. Let’s not forget to clap for the call-center employee who, hour after hour, deals with customers like us who have problems. Let’s not forget bravos for the supervisors and managers who have the lonely task of cutting budgets, staying up nights to try to staunch the red ink. Let’s not forget the harried assistant we asked to work extra hours to complete the last minute rush work.
It snowed last night and my neighbor Mike is already shoveling snow. I can hear the scraping. Earlier this year when our subdivision was threatened with a fire that destroyed several houses he was the person who kept watch, knocked on doors to warn people, and gave us confidence that someone knew what to do. Last winter Brent, from across the street, covered my open car window during a snow storm while I was off visiting the kids in Portland for Christmas.
This is S.O.P. for these two. This isn't just a one-night stand. This is their Nutcracker performance, given year-after-year-after-month-after-month-after-day-after-day.
This is how they, and folks like them, live their lives.
