Expect Delight

Expect Delight

by

Kelly Anderson

A silver lining

- in each dark cloud - awaits those

expecting delight.

Occasionally, I enjoy doing a random “art drop”. My version of this adventure is to make an “art rock” using alcohol ink (think liquid sharpie). Alcohol ink art requires no skill, and resists any type of control. I just drop a bit of ink, watch it flow, and repeat. Once my masterpiece is complete, I write a short message on the under-side of the rock, and leave it somewhere to be discovered. I’ve secretly left them along hiking trails, in city parks, and even in friends’ gardens – some place where they’ll eventually be found - and hopefully bring a smile. The rocks always disappear, but I’ve never witnessed the moment of discovery, so I don’t know for sure that they bring the surprise and joy I hope they will. I imagine they do.

My favorite phrase to share on the rocks is “Expect Delight”. Until now, I hadn’t thought too deeply about the meaning, it simply appeals to me. It seems like an optimistic way to approach life, so I’ve been happily leaving the message for others to find.

However, I recently started thinking about the words, and wondering. In her book, Rising Strong , Brené Brown explains that expectations “hum along below the surface….below our radar”, and are often unrealistic, “ stealth expectations ”. We rarely examine them, yet our expectations shape our experiences. Disappointment and feelings of failure often have unmet, unreasonable expectations at their core. Brené recommends that we take the time to “reality-check what we’re expecting and why”.

I love Brené’s advice. It provides a way to navigate the conflicting guidance on the subject. Some people say, “You get what you expect out of life” - an optimistic view which encourages high, and sometimes unrealistic, expectations. Others say, “Don’t expect anything, and you won’t be disappointed” - a sadly pessimistic view. These are two extremes, and I don’t think either serves us very well. Following Brené’s suggestion leaves space for optimism with a buffer.

I believe putting Brené’s advice into action requires intentional awareness, and a regular practice of reflection, such as journaling, would probably be a good approach. Whatever the chosen method, reality-checking our expectations about our own conduct and performance, the conduct and performance of others, as well as the situations we find ourselves in, seems wise.

So, with my new perspective on expectations, I’ve contemplated my favorite message. I’ve wondered if an expectation of delight would be a set-up for disappointment. Or, if the unpredictable nature of delight carries within it a built-in reality-check. I can’t say for sure, and of course each person’s temperament is unique, but for me, I think delight is a reasonable expectation. It can truly happen at any moment, especially if I’m open to the possibility. So, I’m sticking with my go-to message.

Recommended Resources

Rising Strong by Brené Brown