I Love To Go To Church

I don’t consider myself a particularly "religious" person. I’m skeptical of the different “truths” that the variety of church denominations – heck, even within one denomination – claim. I realize that the so-called truths of today were earned at the expense of people who died proposing different decisions than a person in power wanted. I realize that people have suffered simply because they wanted to pray directly to God without ecclesiastical mediation. So what different religions claim to be “truth”, for me anyway, was often bought at the expense of the lives and reputations of those - many of whom were learned, respected, pious people -who didn’t have enough clout at the time to win the argument with powerful people.

It took me a long time and a lot of soul-searching and much reading and months and even years of daily contemplation to come to a place where I could accommodate this internal doubt I carried about where truth lies and doesn't lie, about the fallibility of religion in general, and about how people use religion to advance their not-so-Christlike-agendas.

But I have come to terms with all of that. I can’t sugar-coat that I still have many concerns about religion and preacher-politicians who wrap a religious mantle, sometimes more a patriotic-nationalistic-religious quilt-like, mantle around themselves in order to fly jets, wear expensive suits, hang out with powerful people, buy mansions, and – in my mind – take advantage of followers who are really looking for their moral and spiritual leadership. I can't sugar-coat my feelings about the hypocrisy I see. I can't sugar-coat that I still harbor judgment, when I should focus on myself and what I can do to be a better person. Because I know that I too, too often, am a hypocrite and very fallible myself.

It took learning about St. Francis , who practiced what Jesus preached to draw me back to church. It took a commitment to view Jesus as a role model , from whom I could learn vicariously, and whose actual words ring true to me, to draw me back to church. It took learning about and practicing contemplation , which has centuries-old traditions, to draw me back to church. It took learning about other spiritual disciplines/practices -to draw me back to church. It took a semester in Italy, where I saw great cathedrals, basilicas, abbeys, and small medieval churches, to draw me back to church, along with museums where soul-touching art provided direct experience with something greater than myself. It took experiencing the rituals of the church, to draw me back to church. It took deep reading, reflection, and discussion about the relationship of science to religion . I had to understand how both could work together not just in parallel, but also synergistically. That was all important, but it also took reflection and reading and discussion about what is commo n in spiritual and faith traditions - the awe and mystery and relationship to the divine, to draw me back to church. That is where ritual and spiritual practices were essential.

I had to come to terms with, Why Christianity? and not something else, if all these are true. That took a while as well, but today Christianity is my beloved home, even as I am committed to learn more about other faith traditions and practices and rituals and make them a part of my journey.

Maybe, looking at this from a developmental perspective, what drew me back to church was just entering this latter phase of my life, when so many unresolved doubts and questions bubble up, and superficial answers just don’t cut it any more. Maybe, just maybe, this phase of life draws people like me toward the profound and the mysterious, trying to find deeper understandings about life and and death.

In short, it was a journey that took a while, and it is a path I am still stepping on every day. Now, with much more joy in learning and practicing.

In the meantime, I have re-developed a love of going to church.

I am headed there this morning.