Just One Leedle Mistake, Should Not A Pariah Make
One small step we can all take – be a little less hard on people.
A politician is at a private fundraiser and makes a comment in response to a question. Another says a regrettable something in the middle of a media Q&A. Still another says a word or phrase that might have been in common usage 30 years ago but is not today.
The next day each is castigated. T-shirts are made. Campaigns are seriously wounded or halted.
All because of a slip of the tongue. A regrettable something. A mistake.
(By the way, I didn't watch the debate last night, so I have no idea what happened. But I bet at least one of the candidates said something they would like to take back today.)
My faults are many, the mistakes I’ve made and continue to make, are plentiful. Over time I've worked to overcome flaws in myself, with some but certainly not total success. One result of of realizing just how flawed I am, is that is that generally I am very slow to judge others. I try not to at all, but of course I haven't accomplished nearly as much improvement as I'd like. So I’m usually not able to cast the first stone, and rarely even the 100th. If some politician makes a faux pas , even someone I disagree with and regardless of party, I try my hardest give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s impossible to be as perfect as we expect our politicians to be these days, and if your every word is parsed, judged, even those you make privately, you are just not going to be Barbie or Ken 100% of the time. I’m not one to demand a politician step down because of one comment made off-the-cuff at an event or to a friend.
I've been a Toastmaster long enough, given enough presentations in various venues, to know how easy it is to say something one regrets when making a speech (not just reading a speech) live. Doing stuff live in front of people, and being spontaneous at all, will lead to mistakes no matter how polished you are, no matter how much you have prepared and practiced. Try giving speeches live day in and and day out like candidates have to do, or try to answer questions with 50 microphones and cameras recording every syllable and see if you don't misspeak once in a while. And knowing that your every sentence will be cut and sliced and - even if you do everything right - made into an out-of-context clip that implies something you didn't mean. Even experienced speakers - if they are really trying to work through an honest answer to a question - won't be able to say everything with perfection.
And we are all imperfect, are we not?
It's also the very rare time I will criticize someone today for a behavior that was socially acceptable years ago when they did it. That's not fair, is it? Comedians come to mind. Comedians are already on the risk-train because humor - especially satire or socio-political humor or cultural critique - involves being irreverent and pushing the boundaries to start with. To go back to something they did twenty years ago, edgy but acceptable then but not so these days, and to now judge them or worse by today's standards is not only unfair but an impossible standard to keep. Society changes. What is acceptable changes. What a politician or a comedian or a business leader or someone in the next cubicle did then cannot change. If what was politically acceptable then is not politically correct now - how can, if you are honest, you judge them by today's standards without at least acknowledging the context of the times?
Also, people grow and change. Someone who flubbed or erred or had a political position or did a comedy sketch then might have grown and changed and worked pretty hard to improve or change themselves over months and years. That effort should be lauded, else we all would be branded forever by who we were just ten years ago, much less twenty or thirty.
Oh, we are fierce in our judgment of others, aren't we? Self-righteous.
Hurtful.
Some criticism is honestly come by because people have real concerns or there has been a pattern of questionable behavior or meanness or insensitivity, but so much comes from the desire for political gain or to feel superior by tearing others down or for pure spite, and not to contribute to a healthier situation.
Some of this diatribe and tearing others down for one or few misstatements just comes from our own personality flaws. It is so easy to criticize a statement made yesterday from the safety of my computer at home. Very little personal risk to be a critic, especially if you are talking with people who have similar views as yourself. I’ve had to deactivate my Facebook account for periods of time because I just didn’t like where I was letting it take me.
I believe that nearly everyone is trying to do the best they can, given their backgrounds, resources, perspectives, and the people who influence them. Sure, there is a minority of people from every viewpoint who seem to be just mean for the nastiness of it and who need to be called out on it, but most of us forget to be kind, compassionate, forgiving, generous, and loving in the swirl of politics, in our own insecurities, and the need to feel we are “right”. Or to "win".
One small step we can all take – be a little less hard on people.
