The "X" Factor
Kelly Anderson • January 13, 2020
Steve’s personal X Factor has me thinking about invisible connections, unseen forces,
and faith in things that can’t be easily explained by our accepted and logical ways of knowing.
X Factor Photo By Kelly Anderson
How about you? What is the superpower combination that makes up your personal X Factor?
Your great mistake, your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone.
Your greatest mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone.
Excerpt from the poem ‘Everything is Waiting for You’ by David Whyte
In November of 2012, shortly after his diagnosis of stage four stomach cancer, my friend Steve Andrews identified something special he had going for him in his battle against the disease. He believed he had the X Factor in his corner. He described this as the superpower combination of prayer, positive thinking, and his network of family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, colleagues, and even people he didn’t know.
Steve often wrote about this X Factor in his CaringBridge posts, which are the foundation of the book No One Fights Alone. He said, “My X Factor does not show up on a statistic sheet. And cancer has never seen an X Factor like the one I’ve got. It’s my personal X Factor that gives me hope every day when I wake up in the morning” (p. 21). During his twenty-five month fight for life, he shared stories of the countless ways this X Factor gave him encouragement and strength.
I’ve recently been thinking quite a bit about Steve and his X Factor. This combination of prayer, positive thought, and an expansive network of people is such an intangible thing. Yet, it was a powerful weapon in Steve’s battle. Although he didn’t beat the cancer, he lived significantly longer than his medical prognosis, and he made the most out of every single minute of every single day. He’s been gone for five years now and the influence of his X Factor is still very present - inspiring me, his family, friends, and everyone who hears his story.
Steve’s personal X Factor has me thinking about invisible connections, unseen forces, and faith in things that can’t be easily explained by our accepted and logical ways of knowing. And it has me thinking about my own personal X Factor.
These mysterious connections and forces are frequent topics in science fiction and fantasy. The fictional world of Star Wars comes immediately to my mind. In the Star Wars films, the Jedi trained to access the Force - an invisible source of power. This sounds like a pretty awesome X Factor. But, while science fiction is a fun way to explore these connections and forces, it isn’t the only way. Steve’s X Factor was neither science fiction nor fantasy. Steve’s personal X Factor was very real.
The belief in invisible connections, unseen forces, and faith in things that can’t be easily explained is present throughout our world. Prayer is a known and accepted way to connect to a Higher Power and is an integral part of many religions and spiritual practices. Ancient wisdom from indigenous people also speaks of these connections. In Dancing the Dream, Jamie Sams shared teachings from her Seneca Elders which describe a lost sense of human oneness and of being interrelated and one with the natural world and all of life (p. 27).
Even science has found evidence of connections which challenge common understanding. For me, some of the most mind-blowing information comes from quantum theory. Work in this field suggests that the universe is governed by more than mechanical rules, that it is highly interconnected - with everything potentially influencing everything else. The universe is viewed as holistic and dynamic. Margaret Wheatley summarized it for us non-physicists by saying “In the quantum world, relationship is the key determiner of everything...unseen connections between what were previously thought to be separate entities are the fundamental ingredient of all creation” (Leadership and the New Science, p. 11.) I think this reveals important clues to Steve’s X Factor.
I’ve barely grazed the surface of these ideas, and I don’t begin to fully understand the true power behind the X Factor. The approaches to exploring this phenomenon are big and complex. However, like Steve, I have faith in the invisible connections and unseen forces of prayer, positive thinking, and a community of supportive people - and I’m working to name the elements of my own X Factor - my path to profound living.
How about you? What is the superpower combination that makes up your personal X Factor?
Recommended Resources
Everything is Waiting for You
poem by David Whyte (shared through OnBeing.org)
No One Fights Alone: The Steve-O Stories
by Kelly Anderson with Steve and Julene Andrews (also available to read for free at https://n1fa.pressbooks.com/)
Leadership and the New Science: Discovering Order in a Chaotic World
by Margaret Wheatley
Note About the X Factor Image
Shortly after his diagnosis, a co-worker gave Steve an X tree ornament. It became a symbol of his X Factor.
Cover Photo
X Factor
by Kelly Anderson
I’m working to name the elements of my own X Factor - my path to profound living.
“In Celtic wisdom we remember that our soul, the very heart of our being, is sacred. What is deepest in us is of God. ” ~John Philip Newell 1
We may be lights under bushels, but we can shine brightly against the dark even if we are mere candles. Together, the light may shine bright.
Silence speaks to us Listening in deep quiet… Hear what you long for! ~Patricia Leyko Connelly 1
"Elegance is the harmonious integration of simplicity, refinement, and intentionality across diverse contexts, combining timeless beauty with functional sophistication." ~ChatGPT Synthesized Definition
Unmade bed, and mind Unmade mind, unready day Night turns into dawn ~Michael Kroth
When I first discovered Stephen Covey’s book, The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People 1 , I thought the habits he proposed were so simple. They were so self-evident. When I read them, they were so life changing. I remember reading the book and it was one of the biggest “aha” experiences of my life. As I’ve discovered, they are also so, so hard. I became a facilitator for several of Covey’s courses, and I remember him saying that what he was proposing was both simple and hard. What he meant by that was that the concept of the habit (putting First Things First, for example) was simple, and he offered uncomplicated but effective ways to work on them, but integrating that habit into one’s life, into one’s being, was hard. It would take time and perseverance. And, of course, that’s true. I know it’s true because I still have a long way to go on just these seven habits and that’s decades from when I started, and that’s only seven out of abuncha other practices I’d like to adopt, maintain, or improve on. Changing habits or routines is not impossible by any means, but that doesn’t make it easy no matter how much of an expert one might be. We know that smoking is bad for us, and yet quitting smoking can seem impossibly hard. I used to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day and tried every which way in the world I could to quit, including self-hypnosis, but it took my wife to buy me a smoking cessation program based on aversion therapy (I got a little shock every time I took a puff of smoke) to actually quit. It’s been 45 years since I stopped smoking. But I've known for a long time that eating too much sugar is bad for me, and still I do it. And the scale reminds me of that every day. And still I do it. But I'm working on it. We know that exercise and good nutrition and developing relationships is good for our health over the lifespan, but it takes time and effort to develop them. (For some other thoughts about this, see Whack-A-Mole , Sloughing , The Practice of Practices: The Meta-Practice of Practices ). The good news is that the benefits of working on these practices start accruing from day one, even though getting better at it is a lifetime process. Just because a person knows a good deal about something doesn’t mean that they are skillful at it. Someone who studies generosity isn’t necessarily generous. The worldwide expert in humility isn’t necessarily humble. The medical doctor who rhapsodizes the virtues of exercise isn’t always in the best shape. The theologian who knows more than anyone about some aspect of Christianity or Hinduism or Islam or any religion doesn’t necessarily practice the religious virtues she or he has written about in papers and books. A generous person may know nothing – in fact, probably doesn’t know much – about the latest generosity studies. And the person conducting those studies may be a descendant of Scrooge. Which brings me to the word I came up with for 2024 - elegancing. It’s only fair to ask myself, almost-post-2024, if elegancing has become more of who I am and how I operate in the world. How well, self-reflection should reveal, have I actually practiced it? How deeply have I become an elegant person? Writing a “Prologue” to 2024 Judith Valente asked those of us who took part in her workshop last January, “Prologue to 2024” (see My Word for 2024 – Elegancing ) to write a letter to ourselves about the coming year. I opened that letter on December 21st, and I don’t mind sharing excerpts of what I wrote. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1-15-2024 Prologue to 2024 Michael Kroth To the Divine Ground, to the Great Vastness, and to the Inner LastingNess, May this be a year of Elegancing, of winnowing out the chaff, and keeping – reverencing – the grain. The elegant solution is the simplest, nothing extra, nothing missing. “Take More Time, Cover Less Ground,” a song by Carrie Newcomer, is my theme song. It reminds me of Evelyn Underhill. She would pick one retreat for a year, and give that retreat several times. Rather than giving many retreats. Cultivating Spirituality in Later Life is my topic. This means knowing about gerontology, spirituality, and lifelong learning Healthwise is my approach – not worrying about length of life as much as quality of life for as long as I live. To that end, five areas of continual improvement: exercise, nutrition, sleep, emotional/social health, spiritual growth, financial/material health. To consider myself a learner/practitioner in each of these areas. Designing my environment to move toward elegance with a twist (a bit of irreverence tossed in…). Exercising daily, eat healthily, sleep well, become a better (husband, father, friend, and neighbor) person, deepen my spiritual growth, and healthy personal financial management. All these by exercising and strengthening values and virtues and behavior that carry out the Great Commandments (love God and Neighbor). To find and practice the unifying themes between all of these areas of life, (Occam’s Razor, the elegant solutions) such that life becomes increasing and simultaneously simpler and more profound. All this to continually immerse myself in an environment and life of flourishing. Michael Kroth, Student of Life ------------------------------------------------------------------------- That’s what I wrote, and as I sit here on December 30 th 2024 these still are values and approaches that I want to continue to build into myself and my life through 2025 and beyond. I like what I wrote then – it fits where I am and where I want to go. But, have I made much progress? But, have I made much progress? What have I learned about elegancing and myself this past year? Looking back over the year I’ve done pretty well on some of these and on some have I have not. One area in which I have not made much progress is in personal financial management. I've made little steps, but it does not come naturally for me. I just don't think about money much, and not nearly so much as I ought to. I'll have to do better in 2025 as retirement hurdles forward me. Regarding the big four metapractices 2 – spiritual learning, embodied learning, cognitive learning, and socio-emotional learning – elegancing underlies them all. That is, I’m working to go more deeply, more synergistically, and in a less scattered way with each of them, and all of them interacting with each other. Carrie Newcomer’s words, Take More Time, Cover Less Ground 3 , is what Duhigg calls a “keystone habit,” and applies to all of these. “Some habits,” Duhigg says, “matter more than others in remaking businesses and lives.” 4 Focusing more, and what is likely to make the most difference, seems like a good strategy. It is probably self-evident, but my curiosity is a strength and a vulnerability. As one who is interested in learning about many things, it is easy to jump from one fascinating topic to another. To wit, over the last few weeks, I’ve started to learn how to use AI. And it is helping me to learn conversational Spanish. Those are two big topics themselves. Oh, and I’ve backslud a bit on practicing Tai Chi, but it remains on the top of my list. And I want to know more about Spain. Oh, and I’m going to sign up for the Osher Institute this next month. Oh, and I can’t forget…. And yeah, I’m going to Judith’s 2025 retreat on January 11 th , Writing the Prologue to Your New Year . I haven’t come a long way, baby, but I’ve come a ways. And I’m thinking 2025 might be pretty wonderful, even with all its inevitable ups and downs. Focus on the present moment, MK, focus not just on be-coming, but at the same time be-ing. (And let's not forget do-ing...) So, to answer my own question, I've made a little progress, enough to make me feel excited about continuing. Even if my practice of elegance has a long way to go, I know a lot more about elegancing than I did a year ago. I’ve been keeping track of articles about elegance over the last year (I used a Google alert, and am beginning to go deeper with Google Scholar) to learn more about it. More than a fashion choice, elegance applies to advanced technology, design (of all sorts), sports, science, software, and beyond. That’s knowledge, which is good. Practicing until one becomes, until one is be-ing elegant, that’s better. These practices start with the smallest, often the most tenuous, of steps. I feel like 2024 has been a time of taking my first steps toward elegancifying the way I approach the world. Elegancifying . I like it. Maybe that will be my word for 2025. How about you? What will your word be for 2025? Your song? Your desired experience? This elegancing thing might take me a while. Like maybe the rest of my life. Sources and Resources 1 Covey, S. R. (1989). The seven habits of highly effective people: restoring the character ethic. Simon and Schuster. 2 For a more in-depth look at the processes of lifelong formation, see Kroth, M., Carr‐Chellman, D. J., & Rogers‐Shaw, C. (2022). Formation as an organizing framework for the processes of lifelong learning. New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development , 34(1), 26-36. 3 Carrie Newcomer, Take More Time, Cover Less Ground. https://carrienewcomer.substack.com/p/take-more-time-cover-less-ground-10e 4 Duhigg, C. (2014). Power of habit: why we do what we do in life and business (Random House Trade Paperback Edition ed.), p. 100. 5 Carrie Newcomer, You Can Do this Hard Thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRGnftH_g4I Retreat Information To sign up for Judith’s January 11 th retreat, check it out here: Writing the Prologue to Your New Year
Illustration created by Michael Kroth, with the assistance of OpenAI's DALL-E Tool (my FIRST SECOND using AI!)
